’’OK this may not be the most prestigious major, but it’s noble, a good career path for a woman, not too stressful and it suits my character. Some aspects might be a challenge, but challenge accepted!’’ Well, that was the wrong challenge. I ended up quitting halfway, despite all the pressure to continue. And you know what? No regrets. My family agrees with me now. I hate that I suffered, but I wouldn’t change the past if I could, because this experience taught me some valuable lessons.
It has been a while since I last posted something on here. I was caught up on this particularly steep roller coaster ride. And I’m not a thrill seeker, you guys. Whenever I felt like I was over-stimulated and I couldn’t take it anymore, the roller coaster had yet another steep drop waiting for me. And when everything becomes too much you can’t think, do or say anything. You’re just burned out. In the rain. Without rainbows…
So yeah, that’s where I was. I’m climbing back up, but I’m not back on my two feet yet. It takes time. It’s ok. I’m more relaxed now, like genuinely relaxed; not numb-to-survive ‘’relaxed’’. For an anxious person this is a big thing. I’m planning my future again. I’m changing things. Things will improve in sha Allah 🙂
The older I get, the more people-allergies I develop. There are things I don’t accept in a husband, but am ok with in others. For example, if someone neglects religious duties or has different views on life, I’m not going to hate the person. Allergies on the other hand are personality traits I cannot stand in anyone. So in a potential husband, an allergy is definitely a deal breaker. Experience has taught me I should run away from people with any of these traits. Here is the portrait of my nightmare husband!
To a place where the sky is blue and houses are white,
A place where birds sing and stars bling,
Where leaves dance to the melody of the wind
And people dance to life,
Because the sun kisses them to smile
While warm air soothes them with hugs.
It’s where pressure is only high, in the sky
And clouds are low, below their feet;
Where they walk on air with their feet still on the ground;
Where the dreams they float in are the reality of life.
It’s a place where the future is bright;
not because there is no darkness,
but because there is light.
I am bored. It’s not that I have nothing to do. I have more work to do than I dare to face. And it’s not that I’m seeking thrill and excitement. All I want is rest, to think. I am too tired – physically, mentally – to think, so I feel dead.
There, I said it. I admit I’m a perfectionist. It took me years and years to admit this, because in my view perfectionists aim to be the best in everything, spending every minute of their day working towards their goal and crying over a B+. I’m pretty much the opposite, as discipline is definitely nowhere to be found in my dictionary. Now I finally realize that this is a one-sided view on perfectionism. Perhaps you’ll recognize yourself in this blog post.