’’OK this may not be the most prestigious major, but it’s noble, a good career path for a woman, not too stressful and it suits my character. Some aspects might be a challenge, but challenge accepted!’’ Well, that was the wrong challenge. I ended up quitting halfway, despite all the pressure to continue. And you know what? No regrets. My family agrees with me now. I hate that I suffered, but I wouldn’t change the past if I could, because this experience taught me some valuable lessons.
It has been a while since I last posted something on here. I was caught up on this particularly steep roller coaster ride. And I’m not a thrill seeker, you guys. Whenever I felt like I was over-stimulated and I couldn’t take it anymore, the roller coaster had yet another steep drop waiting for me. And when everything becomes too much you can’t think, do or say anything. You’re just burned out. In the rain. Without rainbows…
So yeah, that’s where I was. I’m climbing back up, but I’m not back on my two feet yet. It takes time. It’s ok. I’m more relaxed now, like genuinely relaxed; not numb-to-survive ‘’relaxed’’. For an anxious person this is a big thing. I’m planning my future again. I’m changing things. Things will improve in sha Allah 🙂
The older I get, the more people-allergies I develop. There are things I don’t accept in a husband, but am ok with in others. For example, if someone neglects religious duties or has different views on life, I’m not going to hate the person. Allergies on the other hand are personality traits I cannot stand in anyone. So in a potential husband, an allergy is definitely a deal breaker. Experience has taught me I should run away from people with any of these traits. Here is the portrait of my nightmare husband!
In my last post, how NOT to look hot, I wrote about what you can do to keep a low profile as a Muslim girl. The natural follow-up question was how a girl can still look good while maintaining her modesty. I have to say it saddens me that some girls neglect their appearance with the excuse that they don’t want to attract men. Islam doesn’t tell us to look disheveled. There is a difference between looking sexy and looking decent. My last post was about the former and today I’m going to talk about the latter!
While so many non-Muslim women in the west are trying their best to look hot to the outside world, we Muslim women try not to look hot. Well, part of us. I hate it when non-Muslims ask me why some hijabi girls look so… ‘’conspicuous’’. I hate it because I can sense the incredibility of hijab in their words. But you know what? I think 99% of those hijabis don’t have bad intentions. Any woman with the slightest bit of femininity in her soul has the inner need to look pretty and presentable. The pitfall here is that we don’t always know where to cross a line between looking well-groomed and looking sexy. So… what is sexy?
To a place where the sky is blue and houses are white,
A place where birds sing and stars bling,
Where leaves dance to the melody of the wind
And people dance to life,
Because the sun kisses them to smile
While warm air soothes them with hugs.
It’s where pressure is only high, in the sky
And clouds are low, below their feet;
Where they walk on air with their feet still on the ground;
Where the dreams they float in are the reality of life.
It’s a place where the future is bright;
not because there is no darkness,
but because there is light.
I am bored. It’s not that I have nothing to do. I have more work to do than I dare to face. And it’s not that I’m seeking thrill and excitement. All I want is rest, to think. I am too tired – physically, mentally – to think, so I feel dead.