Feeling dead

I am bored. It’s not that I have nothing to do. I have more work to do than I dare to face. And it’s not that I’m seeking thrill and excitement. All I want is rest, to think. I am too tired – physically, mentally – to think, so I feel dead.

See, to me thinking is living. I live in my inner world of thoughts. Observing, connecting, reflecting… it’s what makes me feel me. Take away these thoughts and I’m left empty. Lina, the real one, is not here. She’s asleep with her eyes open and her brain working through college, yet her brain feels so unused because it cannot think as she likes it to think. I’m too tired to do that. It makes me feel shallow and feeling shallow makes me feel bored, but I can’t stop the boredom because I can’t stop the fatigue.

I need rest. I need new energy, so I’m reaching for love.remembrance of Allah